Thursday, April 21, 2011

Week 33

Something odd occurred this week, something scary really. I don't know when it happened exactly or how the fuck it's even possible. This week something "clicked" and this place stopped being horrible. I adapted or something. Before, I'd hear guys getting sentenced to their 2nd, 3rd, etc. terms say, "I just got 3 years, ain't shit," and I'd be like WTF? 3 yrs! Ain't shit!? But right now I could honestly sit here another year, 2, 3, and be minimally effected. Now I know why guys aren't scared to, and always do, come back. Why jail is no real deterrent... you fuckin' get used to it. A world inside a world and an easy one at that. No responsibilities, no stress, nothing, you just simply exist. My emotions are dry. I don't miss anyone, or anything so much. I'm not depressed, not mad, not anything. My wife, my friends, career, goals, and aspirations are not real, don't really exist. Like a dream I had but don't quite remember. Fucking crazy, really! I'm sure I'll snap back to reality once I'm out and all, shit at least I hope so. Man, right now I feel like anything could happen out there and I'd hardly care. I don't fucking like it, but have no control over it at the moment. I mean shit, this past month I've been in one tiny cell and only coming out 1 hr. every other day (the hole). You'd think shit would be worse! But I'm just kickin' it, barely even bored! Am I losing my fucking mind!? I'unno, I just thought I needed to share that with all of you so you can try to understand what jail does after a while and try to understand why this system of punishment isn't effective. Fuck...

On a brighter note, I got the rest of that book series "The Kent Family Chronicles" from a good friend of mine, and man do I love it! I have mentioned it before, it's true history following one of the original American families beginning just before the Revolutionary War. Doesn't seem interesting at all, right? Fuckin' is though! Every American should read them; go to Amazon and buy 'em used, they're cheap! I think you'll love them too.

Hmmm... I wanna talk about skinheads a minute because they earn the lamest gangster award. 1st off REAL skinheads are supposed to be about doing what will help advance the White race and provide good futures for their White children. They're supposed to work, abstain from drugs, etc. In this 8½ months, I've met none that had a job or didn't do dope. When they're together it's "nigger this, spic that," but then they are buddy buddy with them? I've watched them share syringes with Mexicans, even Blacks. It's just like in the movie "American History X" when he goes to the pen and finds his whole cause is bullshit.  It's like, the other gangs, Black & Mexican are just gangs. It's their life, selling/using dope, robbing, etc. They are what they are. Skinheads whole thing is racism and being straight edge so the race is strong and all of that is the last thing they do! They even go to war with other skinhead "families" Yup, definitely the dumbest "gang." Just thought I'd share that.

Oh shit! I have been making out pretty good lately! One of the kitchen workers/trustees is a fan! So I've been getting a lil' extra shit like more fruit and these lil' protein drink things. Love it! And the lil' shake things come practically frozen so you eat 'em with a spoon - it's like fucking ice cream! Really not much protein, only like 10 grams but a lot of calories and damn tasty! They use them here for guys who are detoxing and shit, to try and get 'em healthy again.
Jon Koppenhaver 10754342